A Grandparent’s Guide to Helping New Parents Survive the Holidays

Some practical suggestions to help the silly season be holiday harmony and not celebration chaos.

The holiday season, major holidays or family celebrations can be a mix of magic and mayhem, especially when there’s a new baby in the family. While we often picture cosy gatherings, full tables and smiling faces, the reality for new parents can be… well, a little more chaotic (and sleep-deprived).

As grandparents, we naturally want to create beautiful memories and bring everyone together but it’s also our job to make things easier, not harder.

Research shows that social and family expectations are one of the biggest stressors for new parents during the holidays, especially when they’re still finding their rhythm as a family unit. A 2021 study in The Journal of Family Psychology highlighted that feeling pressured to please extended family can increase postnatal anxiety.

So, this year, let’s look at how we can help the new family survive - and maybe even enjoy - the holidays.

Ask Before You Assume

It’s easy to get caught up in old traditions -the big lunch at Grandma’s, the annual gift exchange, the photos around the tree. But now there’s a new family in the mix, and they’re capacity may not be up to big family gatherings just yet.

Start with a simple, respectful question: “How are you thinking of celebrating this year?”

Asking this way lets the parents know you want their input and acknowledges that they’re their own family unit now. They might want to stay home, skip the travel or keep things small. Whatever their plan, showing understanding and flexibility builds trust and helps everyone feel more relaxed. Gone are the days when parents just put up and shut up like previous generations and we agree, it’s a disservice to all involved.

We want our children and their families to ‘want’ to be involved and to want to come along. Not to feel obliged or forced to attend.

Make It Easy for Them

If the new parents are coming to your place, think ahead about what might make the day smoother. A quiet room where the baby (or parents) can retreat to is a gift in itself. Offer the space, and permission to use it, without guilt or explanations required.

Think about timing too. What time would work best for the new family? Can you be more flexible with the time to include them? They may just want to come, eat and go home or they may want to stay the night.

If you notice they’re overwhelmed or the baby’s getting overstimulated, you could gently step in. Quietly ask “Would you like to take a break in the other room, I’ll bring the baby in if he gets tired.”

Small gestures of support don’t go un-noticed.

Handle the Family So They Don’t Have To

Large gatherings can bring out strong opinions (and lots of “Can I hold the baby?”). If you sense tension, be the buffer. Quietly let relatives know beforehand that the parents would prefer the baby isn’t passed around so don’t ask, or that they’re following certain routines.

It saves the parents from awkward moments and helps set the tone for respectful boundaries.

If anyone comments with unhelpful advice or nostalgia (“We never did that in our day…” or “just give her a dummy!”), shut it down kindly but firmly.

“Things have changed a lot and they’re doing what works for them and I’m happy to support them in that.”

Simple statements of protection can ease parent anxiety.

Blended Families and Split Schedules

For many families, the holidays now mean juggling multiple sets of grandparents, partners and stepfamilies. It’s a lot. Sometimes too much.

Be open to alternating years or celebrating on different days. It takes pressure off everyone and gives each family time to rest and enjoy.

If your child’s relationship has ended and you’re facing a holiday without your grandchildren, acknowledge how painful that is. You may need your own circle of support - friends, a counsellor, or a local grandparent group. Stay open and kind and accept that it may be a case of quality time not quantity.

Avoid putting the parents in the middle or expressing disappointment to your grandchildren. Relationships shift, but love can remain steady. Tell them you love them and miss them and you’ll celebrate with them soon.

Keep Gifts Simple

It’s tempting to go overboard, especially with the first grandchild but remember, too much stuff can feel overwhelming for new parents who are already swimming in baby gear.

Check with them before you buy up the shop - “Is there something I can get for the baby?”

Sometimes the best gift isn’t an item, it’s time. Offer to take them to the park or simply spend an afternoon playing in the garden. Spending time with them not only improves your bond but it means far more than another onesie or toy.

When You Can’t Be Together

Sometimes distance, work or divorce means we can’t spend the holidays or celebrations together. That doesn’t mean we can’t connect meaningfully.

You could try:

• Video calls for opening gifts or sharing cookies and milk “together”.

• Post or deliver care packages of homemade treats, keepsakes or a recorded story for the grandkids.

• Email a pre-made video of you reading a book that you include in their present.

• Start a new tradition like a shared playlist or a photo exchange of the favourite thing you’ve seen this year.

The important part isn’t being in the same room, it’s for your grandchild to feel remembered, included, and loved. These ideas can take a bit of logistical magic to arrange but can be a great way to make you feel connected on important days.

The Heart of It All

If you’re a grandparent navigating new family dynamics, our Foundations of Grandparenting workshops and online courses offers insights and strategies to help all grandparents, especially during the holidays.

Our Kin Support Line is also a place to discuss some of the challenges that can arise during the holidays, be it relationship of baby focused.

The holidays are meant to bring people together, not wear them out. As grandparents, we have the power to set a calmer tone, to be the steady, gentle presence that helps everyone breathe easier and enjoy the day.

If we can maintain boundaries and communicate with grace then this years holiday season, or any major occasion really, won’t be an anxiety driven event but a relaxed affair where memories are made.

It’s not about perfection, it’s about connection.