The Changing Role of Grandfathers
As Father's Day approaches, I thought I would look at how the role of Grandfathers has evolved in my lifetime.
There is so much to say about this topic, particularly in the light of recent Australian research, that I have decided to explore it as a 3 part series. This is the first in the series.
My grandfather was very old when he died and we were very blessed to have had him in our lives for so long. He managed to see and hold his first great, great-grandchild before he passed and he was delighted. We all were.
We were lucky enough to live in the same city and he and my mum participated in the same sport so we spent every Saturday with him at the club. His patience played a very large role in his sporting prowess and was a huge part of his appeal as a granddad. He was a kind, gentle man, always had time for us and was especially helpful for school assignments - we used to call him the encyclopaedia he knew so much!
We spent nearly every school holidays together as an extended family, as he and my parents competed across Australia. We all camped, sometimes in a surplus army tent, sometimes in a caravan and eventually in a big tent of our own but the best part was when Grandma and Granddad got a campervan and we were allowed, one at a time, to sleep on the dining table that magically made a bed.
My grandparents came over every Wednesday and my Grandma would be there when we got home from school, with a roast in the oven and a cake or slice ready for 4 hungry children. I distinctly remember when my grandfather retired because he was suddenly there when we got home too and it was great.
At the first inkling of warm weather we wanted to get in the pool and Granddad was always keen, playing waterhorse to the little ones to even up the size disadvantage. He was a great swimmer and I remember marvelling at how such an old man (it's all relative when you're a child) could do so many laps of the pool.
He was always up for a race. He seldom let us win but I vividly remember seeing him slow down at the end of races with my siblings to let them almost catch up and then tell them “well done” and “oooh close” or “keep practicing, you’ll get me”. I realised he had done the same with me and was likely why I was so keen to practise and made winning all the sweeter as I knew I'd won fair and square.
He was always up for a cuddle with a baby but did none of the care. His daughters were born during the war so he didn’t have the opportunity to, even if it was socially acceptable, and it wasn't, and he was still working when his grandchildren were born - not that Grandma would have given him a look in. It wasn't the done thing, not that I think he would have complained if asked.
He really came into his own once he retired, confirming the findings of a 2012 Norwegian study1 that found that grandfathers become more involved with their grandchildren as they aged. The study found that “past the age of 70, grandfathers generally took the lead in care-giving for grandchildren.”
Grandfathers today are generally older because as a society we are having children later but this could be an advantage. With more time on their hands and a more relaxed societal view, they have the opportunity to be involved in a way that they may not have been for their own children. This enriches both the grandchild’s life and the grandfathers.
The research highlighted a shifting cultural trend toward modern grandfathers who are more willing than previous generations to engage in hands-on duties like changing nappies, cooking dinner, doing the school run and bath-time.
For men who parented in the breadwinner eras, where hands-on, practical care was primarily left to mothers, stepping into the modern Australian childcare gap can be a shock.
The “Grandparenting: A History 1945-2025” 2 study highlights that because modern families rely so heavily on grandparents to survive high childcare costs, these grandfathers are being thrown into intense, logistically heavy care routines they never personally practiced when they were 25.
The Norweigan study also found that "having a partner in one’s older years increases individual capacity for involvement with grandchildren – most notably in the case of grandfathers", which also makes sense given the previous comments related to confidence in their abilities if they did not participate in their own children’s care. It’s always easier with someone by your side.
A practical skills course, like Ma Wisdom’s Baby Care and Support in the Early Weeks3 "would have been very useful" for those grandfathers who didn't do any, or much, of the practical care for their own children and would have prevented their wives “taking over in frustration” as they learned, reported a group of retired grandfthers.4
There have been many changes to society which have bought about many changes in parenting and there is bound to be a knock-on effect to grandparenting from this.
The Australian Seniors Series: Grandparents Report 20255 released in January this year, showed that nearly 3 in 5 modern Australian grandparents admit their personal parenting style does not match what is expected of them by their adult children and many grandparents admit that there was no discussion beforehand about what this would look like for them as grandparents taking on a care role.
The most common conflicts according to the report5 are:
lack of communication (40%)
overall differing parenting versus grandparenting styles (49%)
differences in parenting style regarding discipline (38%)
differences in grandparenting styles between sides of the family (36%)
lack of respect or appreciation (37%)
Maggie Dent, parenting author and resilience specialist, speaking on ABC’s Listen podcast6, notes many grandparents come to her seminars because they want to understand about new tensions in parenting. What children need is basically the same but the approach to it is different, in part because our knowledge has changed and so has society, especially technology. For her, "making rituals and making memories is what actually matters".
She also cautions grandparents that they will be unprepared for the way their heart will swell for a grandbaby and also to recognise that our children are having babies later so we are older and need to realise that our bodies are not as nimble as they once were and toddlers can be exhausting at 65+, in a way they weren’t the first time around, and nanna naps may be necessary to keep up.
As a grandfather, I see my Granddad was definitely a product of the era he lived in but that didn't make him any less loving or caring or fun. I have so many lovely memories of him and as an adult, I can look back and see so many touchpoints and lessons that I learnt through him, about how to be as an adult.
To all the loving grandfathers out there - Happy Fathers Day!
1Knudsen, K. (2012). European grandparents’ solicitude: Why older men can be relatively good grandfathers: Why older men can be relatively good grandfathers. Acta Sociologica, 55(3), 231-250. https://doi.org/10.1177/0001699312447962.
2Grandparenting in Australia: a History. (1945–2025) Ricatti, F., Evans, T., Dellios, A., Allen, L., & Nguyen, N. (2025–2028). Grandparenting in Australia: a history (1945-2025) [Research project]. The Australian National University and Macquarie University. https://researchportalplus.anu.edu.au/en/projects/grandparenting-in-australia-a-history-1945-2025/
4 recent anecdotal evidence from senior men at a retirement village participating in a grandparent -primary school activities exchange program
